kari's long konoha winter
by jaketheripper
Summary: a fic souly about karixpein, but jeiku makes cameos gift for kariandnole rated m 4 lemon "s"
1. intro

naruto: kari's long konoha winter

by jake tinsley

intro:

"jeiku-san?"

jeiku turned to see kari standing behind him, "yes kari?"

"someone wants to ask you something."

jeiku turned to see pein standing there in front of him, "oh, what do you want?"

pein looked at his feet, "your blessing."

o_- "what?"

pein walked up to him, "jeiku, i really care about kari, and you're the only thing close to family she has, if i begin dating her, well it'd be better to kick this thing off."

jeiku waved him away, "i let you live, that was all the blessing you need, now take her and go."

jeiku looked off into the distance and pein followed his gaze, he saw what he was looking at, it was kakashi and that psycho ninja chick, what's her fuck, he didn't remember her name, but he remembered her hairstyle, short cut and black.

he looked at jeiku disapprovingly, "do you ever stop?"

one eye twitching and a demonic grin on his face, jeiku faced pein, "there are no brakes, on the rape train..."

with that, he vanished into a puff of smoke.

with that, pein turned to kari, "looks like we've got his approval, let's get going."

kari grinned and giggled happily, "i've always wanted to go skiing!"

the two walk down the trail as the sun sets.


	2. Chapter 1

chapter 1

heading out

it was 11:00am and it colder than the average mid day, pein was shivering in his akatsuki robe, it was an outdated symbol, seeing as the akatsuki had disbanded after one lone ninja re-took the leaf village, but it made him feel nostalgic, "pein-kun?" he looked down to see the reason he was out here in the first place, "kari, what are you wearing?" he chuckled as he looked at her green poofy fur coat that was way to big for her, "it was a gift from jeiku-san, he said we should dress warmly, we ARE going to the ice village after all."

pein shivered, "damn, and i think it's cold now, i think i have an extra robe."

he opened his bag and reached a hand in, he shuffled around a bit before he found what he was looking for, he pulled out and with his hand came a white robe that looked exactly like his black and red one but without the red clouds, and a hood with fur lining the inside, in fact, the entire inside was lined with fur.

he put this on and immediatley began to sweat, "fuck."

kari wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled, "i think you look cute 3"

pein smiled in spite of himself, "i look like an idiot."

kari giggled as a teenager, no older than naruto, in a straw hat walked up to him, a quick scan of him revealed a scar on his right cheek, a red vest and rolled up jeans with sandals on his feet, "hello kind sir and ma'am, i'm guessing that you want ferry to the arctic circle?"

pein nodded and handed him a bag of gold coins, "this'll do nicely." chuckled the boy, he turned towards a boat out on the docks, it was a sizeable boat, "YO! NAMI! GET THAT MAINSAIL REPLACED QUICKLY! WE NEED TO GET A MOVE ON!"

a girl with red hair shouted back, a man with green hair was helping her hang said mainsail on the mast, "I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN DAMN IT! I DON'T HAVE YOUR POWERS YOU KNOW!"

pein smirked, "talk about crappy service."

kari looked at him reproachfully and spoke up, "hey, we could help."

pein sighed as kari held out her hands and the sail tied itself to the mast and ropes moved like snakes, snaking through the holes in the sail as nami and the man with green hair looked in awe, the boy in the straw hat laughed, "thanks, we really need someone like you, have you ever thought of working on a boat?"

kari smiled awkwardly, "yeeea, no."

the boy sighed, "oh well, looks like we'll just have to settle with what we have, i'm used to it, c'mon, lets not dilly dally."

they walked on to the ship and they began sailing, kari went down to the cannon room to look at the guns, pein went with the boy to the steering wheel.

kari looked at the cannons, "wow, i've never seen one of these before, what do they d-" she touched one and the gunpowder ignited, the cannon fired and the cannonball flew ten leagues out to sea and destroyed a protruding coral reaf, kari was on the deck, her hands over her head, "hoooly shit!"

nami ran in and picked her up by the hair, "fucking ninja! trying to signal the marines eh?"

nami was blasted off kari, she was pinned to the wall, "WHAT THE FUCK? i accidentally blow a cannon and you fucking attack me?"

nami struggled, "bitch please, we never even planned on getting you to the arctic circle, we got you here so we could kill you!"

kari's eyes burned with anger, "and you thought you could take me, why?"

nami laughed, "you looked like the weakest one."

kari growled and her hair began rippling like it was waving in the wind, "you, thought, i was WEAK?"

nami flew up the stairs and hit one of the smaller masts.

up at the wheel, the boy with the straw hat saw what was happening and turned to pein, "damn it, i told her not yet, fuck it, ZORRO!"

pein dashed just in time to dodge the man with green hair's sword, he came to a stop and drew a chakara rod from his back, "what the hell? we paid your damn fee! why are you doing this?"

the boy's arms extended and dropped to the deck, "the name's monkey d. luffy, an i'm a pirate."

pein remembered the thousand year feud going on between the two, that had been raging forever, they hated eachother and there were only two ninjas on that boat, and three pirates, "shit."

luffy swung a punch at pein, his arm extended and pein blocked the hit, sending the fist into the deck, luffy laughed as zorro charged again, he collided swords with pein and pein sent him over the edge, into the sea, luffy grew out his foot and planted it squarely in pein's face, pein didn't move, luffy however, shuddered and deflated, "i am pein, leader of the akatsuki, you do NOT disrespect me in this way."

luffy tried to get up, but found that he was bieng presed to the deck, "how?"

pein picked luffy up, "i may not be able to harm you physically, but i can do this."

he threw luffy overboard, "happy swimming."

soon after, nami flew overboard as well.

pein looked at kari, her hair was blowing in the wind, she waved at him and smiled, "hey sailor! 3"

pein smiled as he took the wheel, "i think i know how to do this..."


	3. Chapter 2

chapter 2

oh shit,wait, i mean, land ho!

pein was laughing his ass off, " this is AWESOME!"

kari vomited over the side of the boat as the waves lurched and made the boat bump in the water, pein laughed as water flooded over the edges pf the deck, kari screamed as she was splashed and a crab pinched her nose, the crab exploded and she ran up the stairs, "ew! ew! ew! ewewewewewww!"

pein hugged her as she cried, "i'm wet, i'm sick, i have CRAB JUICE ON MY NOSE!"

**meanwhile, back in konoha**

jeiku frowned, "hmm, my kari senses are tingling!" he relaxed in his chair, "oooh, that feels so gooood..."

**back at sea**

pein had taken off his coat and had given it to kari, she was snuggling with him, "i'm s-s-sorry pein-kun, but i'm regretting this trip."

pein smoothed her hair and kissed her wet cheek, "i'm sorry about that."

kari smiled and kissed him on the cheek, "i'm glad i'm here with you though, wait."

pein raised an eyebrow, "what?"

kari looked behind him, "if you're here, who's driving?"

pein looked at the wheel and his eyes widened, his eyes got even wider as he saw the incoming landmass, "oh fu-"

the ship crashed and they flew from the hulk, screaming, pein grabbed kari and landed on the ice, they fell in.

all pein could think about was "AAAAAH!" the cold felt like it was tearing him apart, he exploded from the water, kari screamed as she gasped for air, pein landed in the snow and began running, "can't, slow, down."

kari was breathing fast and her skin was turning light blue, "pein, s-s-s-s-s-s-ssso c-c-c-c-ccold..."

faster and faster he ran, the ice cold wind ripping at his face, turning the water on his face into ice, "uuuuurrrrrgggghhhhhhh"

he saw a village in the distance, he ran faster, "don't, die, please!"

kari clung to him, shivering, he ran towards the inn, smoke was rising from the chimney, he kicked down the door and roared, "MAKE ROOM!"

he walked in and set kari down in front of the fire, he pulled her soaking, half frozen robe off her, along with her wet clothes, pein then tore the cloth curtains from the windows and laid them over her, he then put the door back up in the doorway, he walked up to the barkeep, still staring at him, "listen, my girlfriend might die of hypothermia, i have NO money, i need your best whiskey and your warmest room."

the barkeep, who was a woman, about the age of 17, she was blonde and wore a bandanna on her head, "oh sure, i love a good romance, the warmest room would be our basement room, it's right next to the boiler."

pein laughed, "perfect."

he grabbed kari and rushed down to the basement, the barkeep called after them, "don't you want your keys?"

pein shouted over his shoulder, "don't need them."

pein got to the door and smashed it down, he rushed kari inside and laid her in the bed, he threw a fireball at the stove, it caught and the room was immediatley blasted with warmth, pein looked at her, still shivering and unconcious, "not fast enough."

he pulled the covers aside, pulled off his own robe and clothes, then got under them himself, he hugged her close, his body heat warming the two, squeezing her close, she stirred and squeezed his hand, he rubbed against her bare body, creating that friction which in turn, created the precious warmth, her body slowly devolved from cold and stiff, to warm and shivering as her outside temperature began to affect her inside temperature, she groaned as she felt his bare chest press against her bare chest.

she opened her eyes as pein stroked her hair, "mmmmm, pein-kun? what?-" pein put a finger over her still blue lips, "don't talk, drink some of this."

he handed her the bottle and she tipped it up, she chugged half the bottle and hiccuped, "that...was whiskey."

pein chuckled and hugged her close, she looked down, "and we're n-n-naked!"

she gasped and began breathing huskily, she ground her hips a bit and was met with the expected reaction to her petite crotch stimulating his flesh.

" hhhh" he took a deep breath in as he felt himself rise, "k-k-kari-san, do you think we should be doing this now?"

kari grabbed his length and gave it a stroke, "i think the whiskey is shtarting to 'fect me, an' 'sides, your kinda hard."

pein groaned as he allowed himself to succumb to his urges and grabbed her now warm rear and squeezed, earning him a deep moan from kari, "oh pein, make love to me."

pein caressed her and cupped her small breasts in his hands as he sucked on her erect nipples, she groaned and ran a hand through his hair with one hand while violently stroking his manhood with the other, "oh god, pein, oh, uh, umgf. aaoooh..mmm"

she tensed up when he slid a cold finger into her gushing orifice," ooh, cold, cold..."

pein smiled, "wait for it, it'll get warmer...there we go."

he moved his finger and she grunted, "uuuuhhh."

pein stopped, "are you ok?"

she grabbed his wrist and gyrated it, " *-0-* uuuhhh, uhgod, uuuhhh, yes pein, i'm fine, just, kinda, flick it a bit..."

pein did more than flick it, he put in another finger and rubbed the side of her vaginal crevice, her legs tensed and her knees went up into the air, "ooooohhhmmm, yesss."

she grabbed his hand and pulled it out, grabbing his length once again and pulling it towards her twitching, gushing pussy, "please pein, please."

at her command, he thrust inside her, "AAAH, OH MMMGAHD, nuuuuuh, pein-kuuuun, you did it too fast, it huuurt... :'("

pein chuckled, "i thought you liked it fast."

kari whined again, "yea, but it's a bit cooold down therrre. XI

pein grunted, "don't worry, i'm sure you'll feel better with a few *thrust* more *thrust* pushes *thrust*

"aaahn...mmmmmh, oh god...more, more, MORE!"

pein stopped, she whined again, "peeeiiin kuuuuun, why did you stoooop? :I "

he chuckled, "your a dirty girl aren't you?"

kari blushed so hard that her entire head and neck turned red, "don't say that."

pein sighed, "alright then, i guess i'll just leave it in and won't thrust."

kari whimpered and whined, but she eventually gave in, "FINE! i'm a dirty, HORNY girl! NOW STOP TEASING ME!" X(

immediatley he started again, just as fast as he had before, "AAAAUUUHHH, YES! YES! YEHES! OH GOOOOD! YES! puh-puh-puh-puh-PEIN!"

she tightened as she creamed, taking this opprotunity, he lunged forward and buried his head far beyond the safety zone, his tip was at the mouth of her womb, a few more thrusts and he came as well, "MMMMGH!" they clutched eachother as they finished, kari collapsed in a pre coidal stupor, pein was still awake, laying there with his arm around her.

"i love you pein-kun 3"

pein smiled as he kissed her, "i love you too ka-san."

she smiled and sighed as she fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 3

chapter 3

the frigid four

the next morning, pein woke to the smell of breakfast, he looked up to see a bowl of ramen with everything in it, sitting right next to an empty bowl, in front of the empty bowl sat a totally nude and satisfied kari, she sat with her hands on her tummy, -_- "uuuugh i'm full."

pein laughed as he picked up the chopsticks and downed the bowl, "looks like someone was hungry."

kari laid herself lewldy on her side, "well, after your performance last night, i'm surprised i'm not still hungry."

pein kissed her and got up, he picked up kari's now dry clothes and coat and handed them to her, "here, we're going to need these to find a good way to earn money, all mine was on the ship."

kari frowned, "damn it."

they put on their clothes and walked into the lobby, the girl was still tending the bar, she had a worried look on her face, pein walked up to her, "what's the matter?"

she smiled warmly at him, "looks like your little girlfriend got better."

kari smiled and leaned on pein, "a little love can heal any wound."

the girl sighed, "yea, i know what you mean, my husband should be here, but he's away on-" the door opened and fell down, every one laughed as they remembered last night, a ninja in white full body steel mesh armor with a cuirass, set of boots, shoulder pads and gloves made of steel plate armor walked in, his helmet, also titanium white, was remeniscent of the helmets from the army of 2 video game (pardon the video game refference) he walked over the threshold and took off his helmet, revealed to everyone was a pair of brght green eyes, black hair and an unsettling grin, "kimu-san, i'm home!"

the girl behind the counter lept over it and gave the snow ninja a hug around the neck, "MY JOSHI-SAN!"

they kissed and joshi looked around, then he saw pein, "wait a sec."

kari's eyes widened, "oh god."

the ninja named joshi walked up to them and looked pein in the eye, "quite some extrordinary eyes you have there, reminds me of a job i'm on, your hair's right too."

pein raised an eyebrow, "job?"

joshi laughed, "oh, pardon me i have not introduced myself, the name's joshi chinsorri, i'm a bounty hunter."

pein's eyes widened as a wooden manekin with iron balls where the hands should have been and similar balls at the jonts, walked in the door along with two women, one who looked like kari, wearing pink scanty clothing, and a built, muscular woman with waist length pink hair and an axe.

the girl who looked like kari laughed, "oh my god, kari?"

kari tensed and her eyes widened in fear, "oh shit."

pein looked at her and back at the other girl, "what?"

kari looked at pein, "it's mya."

pein's eyes widened, "fuck me."

kari looked at him again, "you know her?"

mya laughed, "yea, we've been in bed, no big deal, so has everyone else, exept for him." she pointed to joshi, "but that's because he's gay."

joshi growled at her, "i told you, i'm MARRIED!"

mya shrugged, "what ever, your the one who'll get him, i'll get my sis, akilla, sic'em."

the woman hefted her axe and ran at pein, she swung the axe and pein flew through the wall, mya drew her sword and charged at kari, "DIE!"

kari blew her sister through the open door, mya recovered mid air and propelled herself back at kari, she swung her sword only to be deflected by a kunai, mya growled as kari screamed, sending her sister flailing through the air, headfirst into a snow drift.

**west side of the building**

pein was cornered, joshi and akilla both ready to attack, joshi had drawn his dai katana and had it at the ready, "you really want to challenge me?"

joshi smiled, "my cousin told me all about you."

pein shrugged, "if you're anything like him-"

joshi laughed, "i'm nothing like my cousin, i'm worse."

pein sighed, "fuck, well lets test that."

akilla charged in with that axe, but a chakra rod sprouted from the ground and impaled her, she screamed, then four more penetrated her heart, lungs and head.

joshi charged, he dodged any chakra rods thrown at him, finally he collided with pein, "time to DIE!" he prought his dai katana down on pein's chakra rod, it shattered and he conjured another, this was shattered as well, he shattered another, this kept going and going, they began talking while fighting, "so, how much chakra do you have to keep stopping me?

pein laughed, "its not a question of whether i can keep stopping you, its a question of whether your blade will hold."

joshi stopped, "think about it, its nearly impossible to shatter chakra rods, how long will that sword of yours last against punishment like that?"

in the time it took joshi to look at his sword, pein managed to throw a chakra rod at his helmet, it bounced off and pein charged, using chakra rods to beat mercilessly on the helmet of joshi, he beat him and beat him until joshi fell on his face.

pein laughed and then disappeared, he was now where kari was, mya had been defeated, he walked up to her and handed kari a chakra rod, "finish her."

kari smiled as she raised the rod, "time to pay my childhood tormentor BACK IN FULL!"

the air around them exploded, pein fell, his ears ringing, such a strong attack, but from where? he couldn't see, wait, he could see, he saw the wooden manekin running away with kari, closely followed by mya, "n-n-nooo." he fell unconcious.


	5. Chapter 4

chapter 4

luffy

pein woke up with a massive headache, he was back in the inn, with joshi standing over him, "finally awake are we?"

pein sat up abruptly and pinned joshi to the wall, "you're going to tell me where they took her, then you're going to die, is that clear?"

joshi shoved him off and looked at the fire, "look man, i know where they took her, but you'll need my help."

joshi turned back around and was met with another chakra rod.

**meanwhile, in konoha**

******  
**jeiku flinched as he looked to the east, "somewhere, an idiot just got crowned."

**back in the arctic circle**

pein was putting on joshi's armor.

he touched joshi's forhead and saw that luffy was back, he now had kari, he needed to move fast, as he exited the room he turned to joshi's unconcious form, "thanks for the help."

**on luffy's new ship**

****kari was struggling, "let me go! let me go! what the hell did i ever do to you?"

luffy was laughing maniacally, "MWHAHAHAHAAA, you seriously think we'd find a ninja and not kill it? but anyway, you seem a tad attractive for a ninja, so i'll cut you a deal, i have my way with you and this whole bounty on your boyfriend's head comes off."

kari's eyes widened in fear, "w-w-w-w-what?"

luffy's pants hit the floor, "c'mon, how bad would it be to have sex with the pirate king? i mean i can satisfy you in ways he never could."

kari began to struggle, "BULLSHIT!" she tried to use her ability, but something was wrong, "feelin a tad powerless? well that's my fault, i slipped this round yer neck."

he tugged on a black collar, "inhibits powers, but lets not dwell on that, now you're gonna feel me PYTHON!"

something huge pressed against kari's opening, "oh SHIT! YOU FUCKING PIRATES, YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

the pirates all laughed as luffy slowly squeesed in, "i'm gonna tear you in half!"

it squeesed three centimeters in and kari was screaming, "PEIN! HELP MEEEEEE! OH FUCK THAT HURTS! STOP IT PLEEEASE!"

there was a cracking of wood and the armored visage of pein crashed through the hull of the ship like a harpoon, "HERE COME DA PEIN!"

the wood ripped and icy water flowed in, "HERE'S SOME FO YOU!" pein took out a chakra rod and impale luffy's dick and stuck it to the wood, he then fused another to the top so he couldn't just slide off.

"HERE'S SOME FO YOU!" he impaled zorro through his heart and also pinned him to the wall, "AND SOME MO FO YOU!" he kicked luffy in the face and left a crater.

he swam away laughing, "later pirates! eat my ninja dust!"

he reached the deck and ran down the docks back into town.

"kari! oh god baby what did he do to you?"

kari was shivering as she pulled her panties back up, "h-h-he was going to rape me."

pein stroked her hair, "well it's over now kari, we can have that peaceful lodge in the mountains, where no one can bother us."

they walked into town and through the gates to the town and up into the mountains, he carried her all the way up into the alps, the deep deep wintry snow meltig before them, slowly walking towards the property that he reserved usually for the times he was on the run, but this time it was a love nest.

an hour later they were in that same lodge, cozied up by the fire, snuggling into one another, as happy as can be.

"this was a shitty day." said kari as she drifted off to sleep.

pein smiled, "don't worry baby, it'll get better, i promise."


	6. Chapter 5

chapter 5

a peaceful month in the alps

the next day was relatively calm, and the next and the next, it was about a month into their stay and as soon as friday on the last week came though, things got odd.

kari got up from her sleep and as soon as she sat up she felt something coming up, she ran to the bathroom, pulled the seat up from the toilet and vomited.

"PEIN!"

pein came running, "are you alright ka-san? oh god!"

he saw her messy face and immediately cleaned her up with a towel, "what happened? bad sushi?"

kari moved pein's hand down to her belly, which only a few weeks before, had been totally flat, now there was a basketball sized lump pressing up against her nightgown, "I'm pregnant."

pein gasped, he was frozen for a few seconds, then he embraced kari, "this is wonderful! we're going to have a baby!"

kari was in tears , she couldn't help but cry, she hugged pein tighter, "promise me you won't walk out, it would destroy me."

pein kissed her on the forehead and smiled, "i would never walk out on you, or our baby."

kari smiled, but then she pushed pein from her as she bent over the rim again, "BLOORRGGGHHHH"

pein chuckled as he left the room, "do you want to go back to konoha so it doesn't freeze? or would you rather risk it and stay here?"

kari coughed as she came up from the bowl, "i think we should go back to konoha, jeiku and ayano will want to see the baby."

**meanwhile in the konoha mountains**

jeiku and ayano were having a picnic when both of them sneezed in the rice, "oh shit ne-san that's like the 5th pot of rice we've BOTH ruined this month." ayano raised her fist to the north and screamed, "STOP TALKING ABOUT US DAMN IT!"

**back in the arctic circle**

kari and pein both boarded a boat for konoha, they made sure they were ninjas before setting sail, what they didn't know however, is that a ninja that had a grudge against them was on the boat as well as her automaton friend.

**that night**

kari was sound asleep, in bed next to pein when her sister, with the neutral ninja, crawled out from under the floorboards, "time to die sister." she whispered as she raised her katana, just then, the neutral ninja's eyes went dark and he clattered as he buckled, he fell to the floor with a loud thud, waking pein, he got up and kicked the sword away, but unknowingly brushed neutral ninja with his foot, half his chakra was sucked from him into the wooden construct and the automaton rose with pein's eyes, it grabbed the small female ninja and snapped her neck, then stood still, awaiting orders.

pein sat back down and caressed a sleeping kari, "night ka-san, you-" he turned to neutral ninja, "watch her, make sure no one does anything bad."

the neutral ninja nodded and stood at attention as pein fell asleep.


End file.
